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xXGoonerXx

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Name: Lindsay
Location: California, United States
Birthday: 7/30/1987

Interests: Dressing randomly and getting confused.
Expertise: Being that girl with the annoying laugh.

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oo chii oo
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xxgoonerxx
AIM:

celticrose707
Yahoo:

strawberry_rini
MSN: strawberryrini@hotmail.com

Member Since: 9/16/2003

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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Currently Playing
Life in General
By MXPX
see related

- Middlename - -

*~.~.~.:: Random Quiz for My Own Entertainment ::.~.~.~*

Blame this whole thing on Shruti and Steve =P!

---------------------------------------------

[x] whats your name?: Lindsay Ashely Cotter.
[x] how old?: 16.
[x] siblings?: 2.
[x] their ages: 24 and 19.
[x] female Or male: Female.
[x] birthday: July 30th.
[x] natiOnality: Irish, Scottish, German, Austrian, Norweigan, and Hungarian.
[x] Birthplace: Glendora.
[x] Current [[currently in]]: Alta Loma.
[x] Eye Color: Green I guess.. they change colors.
[x] Hair Color: Brown, red, and blonde at the moment.
[x] Righty or Lefty: Righty.
[x] Zodiac Sign: Leo.
[x] Innie or Outtie: Innie. 
[[-----------------DESCRIBE------------------]] 
[x] The shoes you wore today: Converse.
[x] Your eyes: Really really green.. but ocassionally they're really yellow in the center.
[x] Your fears: Never finding a lasting love, and I'm claustrophobic.
[[-----------------WHAT IS------------------]] 
[x] Your most overused phrase on aim: Lol, okees, or any of the smilies.
[x] Your thoughts when you first wake up: I didn't do my homework. I'm screwed.
[x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Eyes, and the way they carry themselves. Also smile.
[x] Your best physical feature: I don't think I have one.. but I hear a lot of eyes and lips.
[x] Your bedtime: Whenever I feel like sleeping. Usually around 10 or 11, sometimes even 7 or 8. 
[x] Your most missed memory: Anything from my childhood.. especially beach trips.
[[-----------------YOU PREFER------------------]] 
[x] Pepsi or coke: Neither. I hate soda.
[x] McDonald's or Burger King: Neither, if I'm going to have fast food, it's got to be In-N-Out or Wendy's.
[x] Single or group dates: Single, but sometimes groups can be fun (depending on who you're with).
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: Both. I have an obsession with all coffee types. 
[[-----------------DO YOU------------------]] 
[x] Smoke: Never have, never will.
[x] Cuss: I try not to, but I've been really bad this year.
[x] Take a shower everyday: Sometimes.. but it's not good for you. Usually every other day.
[x] Have a crush(es): Nope, but I thought I did.
[x] Who are they: Someone I made up ;).
[x] Do you think you've been in love?: No. But I think I've been in love with the thought of being in love.
[x] Want to go to college: Yes, SCRIPPS college in San Diego.
[x] Want to get married: I can't wait. On second thought.. yes I can :S.
[x] Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: Yup.
[x] Believe in yourself: It depends on a given circumstance.. but mostly yes.
[x] Get motion sickness: Nope.
[x] Think you're attractive: Never.
[x] Think you're a health freak: I am when I'm dancing.
[x] Get along with your parents: Lately yes. 
[x] Like thunderstorms: I absolutely love them.. but they scare the crap out of me.
[x] Play an instrument: Six.
[[------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID:/:HAVE YOU--------------]] 
[x] Go to the mall: Too many times to count. 
[x] Eaten sushi: Ewww... no.. my poor babies :(.
[x] Been on stage: Yup. All the time.
[x] Been dumped: Nopers.
[x] Gone skating: Yes, actually o_o..
[x] Made homemade cookies: Indeedy doo.. I cook A LOT.  
[x] Been in love: Nuh uh.
[x] Dyed your hair: Yessum :). 
[x] Stolen anything: Never have in my life. Well.. outside of friends atleast :S. I WAS IN FIRST GRADE AND IT WAS A PIECE FROM SORRY!! Damn.. I'm sorry Molly ;_;...
[[-----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------]] 
[x] Flown on a plane: Mhmm.. to visit my grandma in Oregon. Oh, and I took a plane home from San Francisco.. for the Oireachtas (Nationals for Irish Dancing..)
[x] Missed school because it was raining?: Absolutely not, I love the rain. 
[x] Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: Unfortunately.
[x] Cried during a Movie?: In the last month? I don't think so.. but I might have the other day.
[x] Ever thought an animated character was hot?: Yup :\... 
[x] Had an imaginary friend: Nope.
[x] Cut your hair: Just an inch or so.
[x] Had crush on a teacher?: Ewww no :S. They're all old and oogie.
[x] Played a game that required removal of clothing?: No.. people purposely avoid those games when I'm around..*pouts*.. but I wouldn't do it anyways :p.
[x] Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Never have, never will.
[x] Been caught "doing something": No.. I NEVER get caught ;). Just kidding.. I guess it's the same as above =P.
[x] Been called a tease: No, I don't have the proper equipment for my teasing to work.
[x] Gotten beaten up ?: Never, I always come out on top :).
[x] Been in a fight: With my family? Yes, both verbal and physical.. my brother and I fight.. A LOT. But it's fun :D!

[[-----------------THE FUTURE------------------]] 
[x] Age you hope to be married: 23-35??
[x] Numbers and Names of Children: I know a little boy.. and a little girl. How many I don't know. The names are confidential.. I don't want anyone stealing them ;).
[x] Descibe your Dream Wedding: At the beach during sunset :). 
[x] How do you want to die?: Anyway that doesn't involve a small space >.<.. or drowning or burning alive.
[x] What do you want to be when you grow up?: Marine Biologist and an actress on the side!
[x] What country would you most like to visit?: Anywhere in Europe. Probably Australia (Great Barrier Reef)..for the surfer dudes of course ;).. and uhh.. Germany too. Oh! Can't forget Ireland >.<.
[[-----------------------OPPOSITE SEX--------------------------]] 
[x] notice first? I hate repetative questions..
[x] have a BF/GF? No. I'm a lonely little girl =P.
[x] wut u into?? Loyalty. Dedication. Romantic. True love, not lust. Talent.. mainly in sports or instruments. Good music taste =P. Basically someone who's willing to love me and hold on through thick and thin.. someone who makes me feel warm, safe, and loved.. someone who I can trust. And also someone who doesn't care about appearance, and has emotional maturity. I like seriousness and I consider marriage in all of my relationships.. or else, why would I have them?
[x] any specific kind of guy/ghurl you into? Uhmm.. looks wise? Usually.. anyone who dresses outside of the rap genre :D! I don't care what you look like.. they may not seem attractive at first, but when you fall in love with someone they become the best in the world.
[x] feelin anyone? If by 'feelin' you mean 'interested in'.. then no.      
[x] been rejected? Yes, more than once and in hurtful ways.
[x] ever rejected sumone? Everyday (hah Kevin Patrck =P).
[x] broken someone's heart? Once..
[x] ever been heart broken? Too many times. I've developed callousness from it. 
[x] if so how many times? Once again.. too many.
[x] how many ppl of da opposite sex is in your buddy list on AIM? Atleast 80%
[x] ever been kissed?? Many times, but by one person. Well.. serious kissing atleast.. twice besides that =P. But that was 3rd grade and another in 6th grade.
[x] from who??: My best friend Ronnie in 6th, this guy I didn't like in 3rd (he had a slobbery mouth),and the other one is obvious but I won't say.
[x] Best eye color: Blue or green I suppose, but it doesn't really matter.
[x] Best hair color: Uhm.. I usually don't find redheads attractive.. at all :S, but once again, it doesn't really matter.
[x] Short or long hair: Medium? I dunno, I don't really pay attention to appearance.
[x] Best height: They have to be taller. It's a must.
[x] Best first date location: I'd say the movies but I'm not a schmuck.. I actually watch them =P. But I think a concert or the night at Scandia or Boomers would be great ^_^. (or just some amusement park)
[x] Best first kiss location: The beach. Preferably around sunset, or under the moon and stars.
[[-----------------NUMBER OF-----------------]] 
[x] Number of drugs taken illegally: None.
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: One.
[x] Number of CDs that I own: Wait.. owned, not burned?.. about 30 :). With burned.. around 200!
[x] Number of piercings: Two! One for each ear.
[x] Number of tattoos: Zero
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: None that I know of.
[x] Number of scars on my body: No scars, just freckle moles in special places =P. Wait.. I just realized how gross that sounded.. but I didn't mean it like that, I swear ;_;!! People tell me it's cute 0:).
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: I don't regret, I move on. But honestly, about one or two.
[[----------------FAVORITES------------------]] 
[x] Shampoo: Anything that smells yummy. Usually Flex.
[x] Fav Color(s): Depends on my mood and the combo.. usually red and black, or pink and green.
[x] Day/Night: Night.
[x] Summer/Winter: Hmm.. summer when I'm in the midst of winter, winter when I'm in the midst of summer. I always long for what I can't have =P.
[x] Lace or Satin: Lace is better on the eyes, but satin feels better. A LOT better ;).
[x] Fave Cartoon Character: Uhm.. Petree :). Or Little Bear. OH! AND PETER PAN!! >.<!!
[x] Fave Food: Depends.. usually Chinese, Italian, or Mexican.. but it really depends.
[x] Fave Movies: Hook, Peter Pan (the new one), Amelie, All Indiana Jones', All Back to the Futures, American Graffiti, Grease, Land Before Time 1, The Boy Who Could Fly, all John Hughes Films.. just.. too many to name :s.
[x] Fave sport: Soccer or surfing.
[[------------------RIGHT NOW------------------]] 
[x] Wearing: A t-shirt.
[x] Drinking: Winnie the Pooh's White Grape Juice!
[x] Thinking about: Peter Pan and how wonderful, yet impossible true love is.. and how lame the media is for basing everything upon true love and making it seem easy. Bastards.. it's like a slap in the face with "This is never going to happen to you :)."
[x] Listening to: Thrice - Paper Tigers
: [[---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------]] 
[x] Cried: Maybe in the last 48.
[x] Worn jeans: Yup.
[x] Met someone new online: Nope.
[x] Done laundry: Me?? Do laundry?? Never.. I'm too stupid!
[x] Drove a car: Nein
[x] Talked on the phone: Nope. No one calls me.
[[---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN--------------]] 
[x] Your friends: One or two, yes. Everyone else, no.
[x] Santa Claus: Never have. 
[x] Tooth Fairy: Same as above.
[x] Destiny/Fate: I believe in the destiny that God prearranges for us.
[x] Angels: Absolutely.
[x] Ghosts: Eep, yes.
[x] UFO's: Nope.
[[-------------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ ]] 
[x] Do you ever wish you had another name?: No.
[x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: Was this asked before? Hmm.. maybe I'm going crazy, but of course not.
[x] Do you like anyone?: No... *having deja vu*
[x] Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: David.. he copies all of my originality.. but then again.. all of my friends do, so I deal with it and take it as a compliment :).
[x] Who have you known the longest of your friends?: Uhm.. Robin, but I haven't talked to her in a long time.. so Probably Matthew.
[x] Are you close to any family member?: My cousin Tamara. She's outcasted like me.. but I rarely get to see her. She lives in Big Bear.
[x] Who do you hang around the most?: Definitely Chelsea and Tyler, but also Lily.. I jump from group to group.
[x] When have you cried the most: A few months ago.. but recently, a few days ago.
[x] What's the best feeling in the world?: To love and be Loved, it's like feeling both sides of the sun (famous quote =P).
[x] Worst Feeling?: To realize that you aren't loved, or that you aren't someone's "special" someone.
[x] What time is it now?: 8:08 PM
[[--------------------OTHERS--------------------]] 
[x] ever fallen for a friend?: Of course, more than once.
[x] ever dated someone out of your school?: Try out of this country? ;).
[x] whats your fav. music video?: "Weird" by the Hansons, "Tonight, tonight" by the Smashing Pumpkins.. and all Coldplay music videos. Also Evanescence "Going Under."
[x] jamming to?: 311 or John Williams ;). 
[x] you are___?: Hopeless fits. That or too romantic.
[x] you know anyone that is feeling you right now??: "Feeling" me as in literally, or possessing emotions for me? Neither :S.
[[----------------RANDOMNESS-------------------]] 
[x] i love to____with people? Laugh/be weird.
[x] what are the last 4 digits of yur home phone #?: Wow.. not telling :D!
[x] what was the last thing you ate?: A turkey sandwich from Subway.
[x] hows the weather right now?: Warm and mucky.. but it's nighttime so the breeze feels nice.
[x] the last person u talked on the phone with?: Uhm.. Andrew this morning when he told me he was coming to pick me up!
[x] favorite drink?: Juice.. Arizona Iced Tea.. and Sobe!
[x] do u wear contacts?: Nope.
[x] the last movie that you saw?: Peter Pan :).
[x] hugs or kisses?: Hugs from friends, kisses from a significant other.
[x] what book are u readin?: Interview with the Vampire.
[x] the loudest person you know: Myself. No.. wait.. Jessica Anehiem :p!
[x] car: '62 Chevy Belair station wagon in the garage.. one of these days.. IT WILL BE MINE!
[x] favorite gear: Gear?? *disregards this question*
[x] best friend: Chelsea, Lily, and somewhat Chris.
[x] your backyard: Is insanely small, shatty, and has turtles roaming around in it.

8:27 PM - 12 views - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it

*drool*.. yummy...

If you don't know who this guy is.. YOU SUCK..

And that's all I have to say.

6:02 PM - 11 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Currently Playing
The Memory of Trees
By Enya
see related

- Hope Has A Place - - - - -

*~.~.~.:: Find Yourself ::.~.~.~*

Well, I took the day off from school. I felt like I needed it.. I've had too much emotion overrunning my heart lately. It's funny how your mind and your heart conflict.. you experience emotions and your mind doesn't know how to process them. So you begin to doubt, wonder, think back, overanalyze. In reality, our emotions are simple yet powerful.. but our thoughts create complexities and lessen the powers of our emotions. I've basically been cleaning all day whilst listening to Enya.. and I've been home alone so I've had a lot of time on my hands to think about things. I know why I've been so distraught. I've been letting things build up again.

Ever since I moved, I've felt pain too difficult to understand. I realize now what it was that I couldn't see before. When I moved, I felt like I lost a part of myself. Like my home was who I was, my memories there, my friends. I never realized that I could keep those memories and they would remain a part of myself. I felt lost and alone. I was busy finding myself and who I was during a time when everyone else was busy thinking about who liked who, who dressed the cutest, who was the skinniest and prettiest, and who had the most money. This made me an outcast where people were concerned. I wasn't used to the change in people.. and it bothered me at first, but I soon got used to it. It's strange.. I'm more of myself now then I've ever been, and it reminds me of how I was before I realized what embarassment was. When I started to worry what other people thought of me, I lost myself. But now I've had my own return to innocence. It was strange.. I remember opening up to things that I had never noticed before. After I moved and lost everything that I was dependent upon, it was as if I was opening up my eyes to the world for the first time.. I was seeing everything from a whole new perspective. This was when I realized I was my own person. I could be independent. It felt so great now that I think back on it.. but I've never felt more alone.

I've been looking at my childhood friends' live journals.. and it's so sad to see how their lives have been altered. They're all drug addicts, they all are alcoholics, one has had her stomach pumped numerous times.. my 'best friend' since kindergarten... and if they're not into drugs and alcohol, then they're on too many anti-depressants to keep count, they're gay or bisexual, and they find themselves cutting, having sex, or peeing in alleyways to get their kicks. I keep thinking "If only I hadn't moved.. things might be different." Sure they would be.. I would have gotten into those things just as they have. I've learned from my friends' mistakes.. and I have finally found strength in myself. I can't help but miss them, no matter how much they neglected me.. but they were very much a part of my life. It hurts when I go back there.. but I won't let my memories rule my emotions. Sure I lost those things.. but they will always be there. They're some of the best memories I have, and that's all that's important.

Last year seemed to be the best year of my life, but it quickly backfired and it's full of even more painful memories. I've been pushing it all back.. every painful memory I possess.. and that's why I've been so distraught lately. But I'm not going to let my fears, doubts, regrets, and insecurities rule my life anymore. I know who I am. I'm a passionate person who loves music, believes in true love, finds her strength in God, and is waiting for someone to come along that she can be there for. I love having fun, being silly.. just being happy to be myself and to be around people I care for. But I've come to a conclusion. I try to have control of things in my life. I try too hard and I have to realize that there is a difference between being persistent, and being controlling. I can't always control the outcome of things. There are times when you must take initiative, where you have to take control.. but there are other times when you just have to sit back and let things happen. I always have had trouble figuring out when each of those apply, but I know now. After all of this time... I'm finally just going to let go of the wheel. Though, I might be driving through a downpour of rain and I'm slowly turning into oncoming traffic.. I've just got to let go. And I am. You're probably wondering "Let go of what?". I really care about someone right now, but I feel like I'm going about things the wrong way. That I'm thinking and hoping too much.. it's one of those situations where I have to sit back and let things happen, but I'm trying to take control when I shouldn't be. If things don't work out then it's probably going to hurt, but I can't help it if they weren't meant to happen. See.. my over analyzing has caused me to blow things out of proportion =P. Oh well.

I'm back to my happy self. I won't let things build up.. they emerge in the least likely of places. I just have to remember that everything I'm letting get to me is only going to make me stronger as long as I come out on top, and that all of my 'painful' memories made me who I am today. Most of the people my age aren't even close to realizing who they are.. and a lot of them are going through that struggle at this very moment. It's a hard one, but I'm so glad that I've already reached it. I came out on top, and I couldn't be more pleased with who I am and the strengths and passions that exist in me.

Well.. time to finish cleaning. I have a pedicure appointment for later on today across from Walgreen's on Carnelian. I'm excited.. it's going to be so relaxing :). I hope everyone is having a wonderful day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's Lyrics:

One look at love and you may see,
it weaves a web over mystery.
All raveled treads can rend apart,
for hope has a place in a lovers heart,
hope has a place in a lovers heart.

whispering words, a sigh of sighs.
the ebb and the flow of the ocean tides.
One breath, one word, may end or may start,
a hope in a place of a lovers heart,
hope has a place in a lovers heart.

look to love, and you may dream.
but if it should leave then give it wings.
But if such a love is meant to be,
hope is home and the heart is free.

under the heavens, we journey far.
On roads of life, we're the wonderers.
so let love rise, so let love depart,
let hope have a place in the lovers heart,
hope has a place in the lovers heart.

look to love, and you may dream.
but if it should leave then give it wings.
But if such a love is meant to be,
hope is home and the heart is free.

hope is home and the heart is free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry this entry was so long.. hope you had fun skimming it ;).

*~Latha math dhuibh.~*

1:00 PM - 14 views - 8 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

8:43 PM - 8 views - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

*~.~.~.:: Heartache is Selfishness ::.~.~.~*

I feel like such a selfish, self-involved little girl. I've got so much pain, anxiety, frustration, confusion, etc. going on in my heart. I feel like it's being swirled about like a bunch of chemicals that you know should never be mixed together. Why the hell do I have to start thinking about things so hard? Why the hell do I feel so lonely? What is wrong with me? I feel so happy.. but so scared/sad/confused at the same time. I know that my problems are nothing.. that they are so simple compared to what other people have to go through. I know that things I worry about are just figments of my imagination that get out of hand. My impatience is causing me to think too much, and most of the time, I don't even know what it is that I'm thinking of. I just need to give it time.. I need to give everything in my life time.. and things will all work out how they are supposed to.

I don't know why I feel so alone.. even though I'm happy.. I still feel as alone as I have for as long as I remember. I just lay in bed and look up at the sky.. wishing that my pillows were someone willing to hold me and keep me warm. That's another thing.. I'm always cold.. and I don't know why :S. I know it doesn't mean anything.. but I just want to be there for someone. I want them to know that I love them, I want them to know that I'll never betray them, I want them to know that I'll hold on through thick and thin. I just have to let that come to me.. let that person find me. As I've referred to it many times.. I just have to remain in this cold, muddy, lonely ditch that I've fallen into.. into this damp and isolated well that I've fallen into.. like a child waiting.. and I just need to keep patient.. until someone picks me up with loving arms and brings warmth back to my lifeless body. I don't know why I always complain about this.. I really have no reason to. I need to stop watching chick flicks and reading romance novels.. that kind of love will never happen to me. But one day.. something wonderful will happen. I need to begin to think more optomistic, I need to stop overanalyzing and I need to follow, trust, and act upon my emotions like I used to. That's the only way love is born, and that's the only way happiness prevails.

I can't wait until Saturday. I should go to bed now.. sorry for yet another pointless rant about the same old things.

*~Sleep Sweet~*

10:13 PM - 8 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

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